


Both Sides Now

by TheSprout



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Disappointment, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Relationship Discussions, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 02:38:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13354734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSprout/pseuds/TheSprout
Summary: Otabek and Jean discuss over a beer. Today Jean has something to say. It has nothing to do with Otabek.





	Both Sides Now

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :) 
> 
> I wrote this short piece to apply to the [Rare pair zine](https://yoirarepairzine.tumblr.com/), and I'm thrilled to say that I have been selected and I will be writing Otapliroy!
> 
> The title is from this bittersweet [Joni Mitchell song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIYu4EHq0Lo) I love.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Jean’s beer is getting warm in front of him but the droplets of condensation on the glass are still untouched.

Since they arrived he’s been doing that small talk he knows Otabek doesn’t care for. He commented the busy traffic, the latest hockey match, the incoming cold weather. He noticed out loud how crowded the bar was, and pretended to read the board and hesitate before choosing his usual drink. He ran his palms on his thighs several times as he waited after ordering and tapped his fingers on the wooden bartop until the bartender almost crushed his hand with his pint.

Otabek does not say anything. He sips his own beer quietly. Jean has something to say and it will come soon enough.

Jean drinks half of his glass very slowly. He talks about his free skate and how his knee has been hurting lately. Otabek nods and hums quietly.

It’s only when Jean downs his beer and suggests to leave that Otabek looks up and raises his eyebrows in disbelief.

Jean freezes and looks between his feet on the bar of the stool. The silence lasts a good minute before he speaks again.

“Isabella’s pregnant.”

Otabek does not move. The words move something inside him but he can’t really tell what. He looks at Jean at his side. There is no sign of happiness or excitement in his expression. His traits are drawn and his hair flat and messy.

“It’s not yours?” Otabek asks.

Jean winces with annoyance and disdain. “Of course it is.”

“Congrats. Your dick works.”

“Beks, no…”

“What about the wedding?”

Jean exhales sharply through his nose and has a faint but bitter smile. “You think my parents are going to let me stand in front of the priest with her when she’s seven months into it?” His smile distorts in a wince and he briefly looks at the ceiling. “It’s been brought forward to next month. The 14th. You’re invited.”

“Thanks.”

The conversation could have stopped there. Jean has said what he had to say. Otabek has heard and nodded. But Jean can’t help the words that come out next.

“I thought… I thought we had time,” he says in a breath.

Otabek shrugs slightly. “It doesn’t make that much of a difference.”

“I know, I know. But I thought maybe… A year or so before the wedding… You know.”

“You’re gonna be a great dad.”

Otabek’s voice is so sincere it’s painful. Jean closes his eyes and hides his face in his hands for a moment before rubbing them down his cheeks.

“Say something,” he begs.

“I said something. Congratulations.”

“If I had had more time I…”

“You what?” Otabek cuts despite himself.

“I would have… I would have made it right.”

Otabek can’t help but look away. He feels kind of sick. If the bar had not been so full he would have left already. But he just sits there on his bar stool, accepting every second of his humiliation and regretting every ridiculous hope he has ever had.  

“I was about to do it,” Jean insists. “I’d have done it. I’d have told Bella. I’d have told everybody. We would have canceled everything. I just needed… time.”

“Now it’s too late,” Otabek says, and he cannot completely hide the reproach in his voice.

“She’s pregnant Beks,” Jean says seriously. “ Pregnant. With my baby.”

Otabek shakes his head slowly and nods. He knows he is acting like a child and letting his resentment take over. “You’re right,” he sighs, and his shoulder drops several inches as he slumps on himself. “ I’m sorry. How far along is she?”

“7 weeks.”

“Thought about names yet?”

“Beks, I know I fucked up.”

“How long do you think it’s gonna last?”

“You know we don’t believe in divorce.”

“Your whole life. That’s a long time to be miserable.”

“I’m not miserable.”

Otabek jaw clenches. For the first time since Jean started talking, he looks at him in the eyes. “Then what’s all that?” he asks abruptly.

“I thought you’d want to know.”

“Why?”

“Because we... we’re friends.”

Otabek blinks in disbelief. Sometimes he does not really know if Jean is good at pretending or if he is actually completely oblivious. “I wish you all the best for you marriage,” he says coldly.

“Don’t be like that.”

Otabek looks down without a word. It takes a while for them to speak again. Otabek’s heart is painfully tight but it’s only because he is mad at himself. “Man… You two are gonna be good parents,” he mutters slowly.

“I hope so. Bella’s good with kids.”

“You too.”

Jean takes a deep breath and straightens on his bar stool.  “Beks, I know it’s short notice but I’ll need a best man and- “

“Really?”

Jean winces slightly.

“No,” Otabek adds, “I’ll not be your best man. I’m sorry.”

“I understand.”

 

They sit in front of their empty glasses without talking.  When they leave the bar the night is dark and the street silent. The door swings shut behind them and Otabek pulls Jean by his shirt.

He shouldn’t do that, he knows it. It’s over now. He has been a fool to believe things would ever change.

Jean’s lips are warm and soft. He pulls Otabek closer and gently tightens his arms around his waist like he has done so many times. He doesn’t resist when Otabek bites his lower lip and asks for more.

They kiss like it’s the first time. Like they have not already kissed a thousand times in front of this bar. Sometimes they were drunk. Sometimes they were not. Sometimes they walked home together and shared Otabek’s bed for a night.

At first Otabek didn’t expect anything. They were friends, when they met in the bedroom it was just for the sex. Most of the times they were drunk. Otabek was single and Jean was not allowed to share a bed with his fiancée before their wedding. Every once in a while Otabek and Jean would meet and, without speaking, one would drag the other under the sheets and satiate their most basic need.

It was just for the sex. One of the mugs in Otabek’s cabinet became Jean’s mug for the morning after. One day Jean forgot a shirt and told Otabek he would pick it up later. He never picked it up, and forgot a scarf, and a tank top. In Otabek’s chest of drawers, the right side became Jean’s side, and without either of them noticing, it welcomed new clothes every week.

Jean sent him texts when he was on holiday with Isabella and her parents. That’s what friends do, text each other when they are bored. Friends like Jean send “ _Thinking about you_ ” when they sleep in the guest room at their future in-laws.

Now Otabek resents Jean. He hates him for every little whisper he ever said on the pillow. Every touch that was too gentle to be raw sexual tension. Every kiss they didn’t need to share. He hates him for letting him believe there would one day be anything more than sex

Jean breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Otabek’s.

“I’m not miserable,” he repeats, and deep down it is the only thing Otabek needs to know.

“Good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come and see me on [Tumblr](https://dontstopyurinow.tumblr.com/)!


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